Hero in the Strife Part I
by solojones
Summary: The first part of the life story of Jonathan Truman Carter III, MD. Better known as Carter. But, perhaps, not known at all. An epic. CHAPTER 4 NOW UP. THIS PART IS NOW COMLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Title: Hero in the Strife (an epic ER story)  
  
Author: Noerf  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Description: The life story of Jonathan Truman Carter III, MD. Better known as Carter. But not known at all.  
  
Disclaimer: If ER really belonged to me, why in the world would I be posting stories just for fun? I would be sitting by my pool drinking lemonade with little umbrellas, with Noah Wyle! So no, it doesn't belong to me, it belongs to NBC, Warner Brothers, Michael Crichton, John Wells, Jack Orman, and whoever else wrote any of the stuff I reference!  
  
I have made up some characters obviously, but almost all major plot points come from references on the show. Just enjoy. Please r/r!  
  
Archive: Please do! You don't have to ask, but tell me sometime when you get around to it so that I know where my story is at.  
  
Thanks: Steph, Lori, and Jen for your Beta help! Thanks for the encouragement! All my Carby pals at ff, we are insane and we aren't ashamed! Amers/'Kins/Bert/Luce/Amo/etc. You will always be the best friends and ER watching pal! And to all the rest of Carter's girls, Rena. Abby.. You know who you are. Most of all, I would like to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! And thank you for reading!  
  
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"In the world's broad field of battle,  
  
In the bivouac of Life,  
  
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!  
  
Be a hero in the strife!"  
  
~ A Psalm for Life, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow  
  
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The voices of eager children and the sound of 25 sets of small feet echoed down the hall. The children were all dressed in nice pants or skirts, and white button-up dress shirts. The boys had to wear ties, which they frequently pulled at and removed, much to the dismay of their teacher. Nothing excited Mrs. Wickley's Fourth Grade class more than a chance to change out of their uniforms and into their gym clothes. The daily trip to gym was always the most exciting event of the day.  
  
The girls were walking at the front of the line, as always. They would huddle together as far away from the cootie-infested boys as possible. Toward the back of the line, the boys were snickering and taunting each other.  
  
"Kevin's got a crush on Jess-i-ca!" One of the boys called in a sing- song voice.  
  
"I do not!" Kevin shouted, shoving the other boy.  
  
"Do too!" the other shouted, pushing back.  
  
"You're a liar, Caleb!" Kevin yelled, pushing Caleb forward with all his might. Caleb tumbled into the boy in front of him. The boy stumbled, and would have caught his balance except for the fact that he had always been clumsy, and he tripped over his untied shoelaces. He tumbled right into the girl in front of him. She shrieked as she fell to the floor, with the embarrassed boy falling on top of her. The boy pushed himself up, and his cheeks reddened.  
  
"Sorry," he said shyly, offering a hand to his fallen classmate. She didn't take it. Her friends helped her up. The girls were giggling and the boys were snickering.  
  
"Jonathan, what on earth are you doing?" Mrs. Wickley asked, not at all amused at the display.  
  
The boy turned even redder. "Sorry Mrs. Wickley. It was an accident," he said, not daring to tell her about the other boys pushing him.  
  
Mrs. Wickley turned back around, and continued to lead the calls toward the gym.  
  
"Now we know who John likes," Caleb snickered. John's cheeks reddened, this time with anger. He straightened his dark brown hair and his tie, and clenched his teeth together in an effort to control his temper.  
  
"John and Nancy, sitting' in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G....." John's classmates sang out.  
  
"Shut up!" Nancy shouted. She shot John a glare, as if he were the reason for every problem in the world. John looked at the floor the rest of the way to gym class, in shame.  
  
John was usually the object of the taunting and teasing in class. There were many reasons why. For one thing, the kids all knew that John was too kind to ever insult them back, and they knew he wouldn't tell on them. And while all the children at the private school came from well-off families, John's was by far the richest. Another thing that made John a prime target for hazing was the fact that he was smart. He was good at every subject, and he always worked hard in school. He also had a tendency to be clumsy. So John had learned to take everything in stride.  
  
   
  
When the dismissal bell rang at the end of the day, the children poured from the school and down the steps. Some children's parents picked them up, and some rode in carpool vans. John headed for the bike rack, where his mode of transport was chained up. He unlocked the chain, and lifted his bike out of the rack. A hand on his back pushed him forward.  
  
"Hey Scrub," said a voice behind him. "Time to get a haircut." The boy's hand messed up John's shaggy hair.  
  
John slowly turned around and let out a sigh. "Hi Bobby," He said to his older brother.  
  
Bobby didn't give much more thought to his little brother. He was a sixth grader, and he was popular. Plus, all the girls thought he was cute, while all the girls considered John a dangerous plague. John had come to accept that that would never change. And Bobby was definitely the favorite of both their mom and dad. Their dad wanted Bobby to take over the company in the future. Not much thought went into what John did, though he was extremely talented. Maybe he would go into business too. Not that it mattered much. Bobby was the favorite, and John figured he always would be.  
  
Bobby unlocked his own bike and lifted it onto the sidewalk. He yanked his tie off and stuffed it into his bag. He untucked his shirt, and swung one leg over his bike. John straightened his hair, and loosened his tie. He climbed onto his bike and peddled off after his brother.  
  
The two boys rode down the long, straight road. There were very few cars out this way, because most the property was owned by the boys' family. The only cars passing were visitors to the estate, businessmen and philanthropists alike.  
  
They rode their bikes through the open, tall iron gates that were part of the fence, which encircled the entire expansive estate. Up the hill, and past the house, around the back. One of the garage doors was open, as always, and the brothers parked their bikes there. Then they headed back around the house to the front door. As they approached, they didn't need to knock, because the butler, Elliot, was there to open it for them when he saw them coming.  
  
"Good afternoon Master Robert, Master Jonathan," he said with a crisp air about him. Bobby rolled his eyes, conveying how much he hated it when Elliot called him by his proper name. He was tired of reminding him anymore, though, as he knew it wouldn't do any good.  
  
"Hello Elliot," John said in a cordial manner. "Are my parents home?"  
  
"No sir, they are not home yet. They should be home shortly. They're off at the doctor's again," he said, lowering his tone at the end so Bobby wouldn't hear. Bobby did hear, however. He shot Elliot a spiteful look as he jogged up the stairs to his room. He didn't want to hear any sympathies.  
  
John gave Elliot a reassuring smile, apologizing for his brother's behavior. "Sorry," he said.  
  
"No need," Elliot said, with a slight smile. Young John was always trying to be polite, even to the point of apologizing for other people.  
  
   
  
John walked up the stairs, with the well-placed lights reflecting in just the right spots all around him illuminating the staircase. The upstairs hall was the same way, only with softer tones. Classical paintings hung on the walls, and the floor was completely free of any clutter. John walked past Bobby's room, where the door was closed. He could hear Bobby talking on the phone to one of his friends, discussing plans for the weekend. John continued down the hall, to his room at the end. He walked in and headed for the desk, which was neatly organized. He pulled out the chair and sat down. He removed his shoes, taking the time to untie them and lie them neatly next to the desk. He flicked on the light over the desk and pulled his science book out of his bag. He opened it to the page with his assignment, and began to read. It was talking about muscles and how they work with things called tendons to move your bones. Most of the kids didn't take much interest in science, or any of the other classes, little less do their homework. But John found something intriguing about it. Yet even in his boring classes like Social Studies, he made sure to read whatever he was supposed to, pay attention, and do his homework. That was just the way he was.  
  
John was so absorbed in his work that he neglected to look at the clock. He had heard one of Bobby's friends come in, and they were now downstairs watching a movie. But other than that, he had not been paying attention to what was going on. He heard a car pull up out front, and then the sound of two female voices, one that of an adolescent and one of a woman. He looked up at the clock. Five. He'd been up here for and hour and a half. He hurriedly closed his book, and turned off the light. He rushed out into the hall, and ran to the stairs. From his spot up above, he could see two figures. One was the figure of a dark haired girl with her hair pulled back in a loose bun, as was the 'style' among the freshmen in her high school. The other was the figure of a woman with graying hair standing beside her, with Elliot taking her coat.  
  
"Gamma!" John shouted with delight, as he rushed down the stairs. His grandmother and sister both looked up to see him coming down the stairs. He ran up to Gamma and have her a big hug, which she returned.  
  
"Goodness Johnny," she said when he pulled back. "I just saw you last week!"  
  
"I know Gamma," John said with a smile. "But I'm still happy to see you."  
  
"And I'm happy to see you too," She gave him another hug, and started heading for the sitting room to the left of the entryway.  
  
John and his sister followed.  
  
"Do anything fun today?" his sister asked.  
  
"Not really," John said, thinking of the tripping fiasco. "What about you, Nell?"  
  
Nell smiled and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "Well, I got asked to the winter dance by a boy in my science class."  
  
"Eleanor Millicient Carter!" Gamma exclaimed.  
  
"The second," John piped in.  
  
"That's lovely dear," Gamma said with a smile. "You just be careful."  
  
"I know, I know," Nell said. "Boys are ornery." She tickled John, who cried out and dove behind his grandmother for safety. "Truce?" Nell said, holding up her hands.  
  
John eyed her warily. "Truce," he agreed.  
  
She pulled her little brother into a hug, and kissed him on the forehead.  
  
"Eeewwwwww!" John said, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand.  
  
Gamma laughed. "Someday, Johnny, you won't mind pretty girls giving you kisses."  
  
John wrinkled his nose. "Ick," he said simply.  
  
   
  
There was a knock at the door just then, and Elliot opened it. It turned out to be Bobby's friend's parents. Bobby's friend left, and Bobby was left with his family.  
  
"Bobby, come give your old grandmother a hug," Gamma said, with open arms. Bobby obliged.  
  
"Are you eating with us, Gamma?" Bobby asked. Gamma nodded. "Is Grandpa coming to eat with us too?"  
  
"No, I'm sorry Bobby. He's on a business trip right now," Gamma said.  
  
At that moment, the sound of a car pulling up was heard, and the slam of a car door. Elliot opened the door and greeted the new arrivals. "Good day Master Jack, Mistress Eleanor," he said politely as he took their coats.  
  
Jack Carter smiled at his family. "Hello Mother," he said to Gamma. She got up and gave him a hug.  
  
"Good afternoon, Eleanor," Gamma said to Eleanor Carter.  
  
"Good afternoon, Millicient," Eleanor replied, not sounding at all excited about the visit.  
  
There was a moment of tense silence, before Jack broke it by suggesting that they all have some lemonade on the lawn, which Elliot brought to them. The children were not warm and open with their parents as they were with their grandmother, however. Nell told them about the dance, to which her father asked a million questions about who this boy was, how late they would be out, how they would get there, and what she would wear. The typical nervous father questions. Her mother only offered a comment about how dull dances could be and how she regretted every one she went to in high school. Gamma made small talk about them all taking a vacation to Hawaii, whenever their hectic schedule allowed for it. John didn't say anything, nor did Bobby. They just sipped their lemonade and listened politely to the conversation, as they had been taught to do all their lives.  
  
After the glasses were all empty, Jack decided he could not stall the inevitable anymore. "We visited Bobby's oncologist today," he said slowly.  
  
John and Nell exchanged a look of apprehension. What was the news? Was he better? Worse?  
  
"And he had the results of Bobby's most recent marrow test back," Jack continued. "The cancer has come back. You'll need to start another full course of chemo tomorrow. I'm sorry Bobby," he said sympathetically to his son, who was on the verge of tears.  
  
Gamma reached over to give Bobby a hug, but he pulled away. He bolted inside and up the stairs to his room. The slam of his heavy oak door could be heard all the way out on the lawn.  
  
"I'm going to go see if he's all right," Eleanor said, starting to get up.  
  
"Eleanor," Jack said, catching her arm. He shook his head in a silent no. Eleanor nodded and sat back down.  
  
"Oh dear," Gamma said, letting out a sigh. "The poor boy."  
  
"Yes," was all Jack could say. "Nell, take your brother inside and you two wash up. We'll be in for dinner in a minute."  
  
Nell nodded and she and John walked up the lawn toward the back door. John looked over his shoulder to see his Mother, Grandmother, and Father engaged in a serious conversation. He turned his attention up to his sister.  
  
"Nell... is Bobby going to die?" John asked.  
  
Nell froze, not knowing what to say. She didn't know the answer, not for sure. No one did for sure, she told herself. Sure, this would be Bobby's third round of chemo and he hadn't really been getting any better.... but no one knew for sure, she told herself. But how could she explain that to John? Sure, he was a smart kid, but he was still a kid. So she mustered up the best reassuring smile she could.  
  
"No Scrub," she said. "Bobby's not going to die.  
  
   
  
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	2. Chapter 2

Two Months Later...  
  
John searched through the box of colored pencils on the table. He found the shade of brown he was looking for. It was dark, almost black. He was putting the finishing touches on his project. They were drawing portraits of family members. John had decided to draw his brother and give it to him as a present. Bobby had been out of school for a month and a half now, for chemotherapy. John wanted to do something to cheer him up. All he had left to draw was Bobby's hair.  
  
He lowered the pencil to the paper, when it was suddenly snatched away. John looked up to see Caleb standing over him, holding his stolen pencil and grinning a malicious grin.  
  
"Give me my pencil back," John said.  
  
"Why?" Caleb asked.  
  
"I'm drawing Bobby. Give it back," John said more tersely, reaching for the pencil.  
  
"You don't need to give him any hair. He's a bald freak," Caleb said, laughing. There were several other students watching by now, and they were laughing, too.  
  
John bit his lip in an attempt to hold back his tears. But he couldn't help it when he started crying.  
  
Caleb snickered, "The Carters are both freaks! John's a crybaby, and Bobby's bald!"  
  
The anger and hatred welling up inside of John could no longer be contained. He leaped out of his seat and tackled Caleb to the floor. All the children gasped in surprise and edged away from the brawling boys. John was sitting on top of Caleb, shouting, "Take it back!"  
  
Caleb shouted, "Get off me!" But John refused to budge until Caleb apologized. Caleb drew his right fist back, and with all his might, punched John in the face. John flew off Caleb and smashed his head on the ground. It took him a moment to regain his equilibrium. He sat up slowly, and felt a trickle of warm liquid running down his face. He reached up and tried to stop his bloody nose, while Caleb sat across from him on the floor, glaring at him.  
  
The art teacher had finally made her way through the crowd of children to the two brawling boys. "John and Caleb!" she said, angrily. She hauled them to their feet. "What on earth do you think you're doing?" Neither of the boys responded, they only stared at each other. "Well I'm sure the principle can sort this out," the art teacher fumed. She noticed John's bleeding nose. "We'll have to get you to the nurse, first," she said, sighing. "Come on," she said, leading the two boys out of the room. She dropped John off at the health room with instructions to send him right to the office once his nosebleed stopped. Then she walked Caleb down to the office.  
  
  
  
John stood in the entryway of the healthroom, with his hand pinching his nose. The school nurse, a young lady with curly blonde hair, looked up and saw him. She smiled sympathetically. "You have a nosebleed, son?" she asked, her voice sweet and welcoming. John nodded. "What's your name?" she asked.  
  
"John Carter," he said quietly.  
  
"Well John, we'd better get your nose to stop bleeding. And you have a pretty big bruise on your face, too," the nurse said. "Come here and sit down." She motioned him over to a padded couch. "My name is Linette," she said, as John took a seat. Linette handed John a Kleenex. "Here, hold this over your nose. And tilt your head back. There," she smiled. She reached into the freezer, and pulled out an icepac, which she handed to John. "Here, put this on your cheek, or it'll get swollen," she instructed him. John complied.  
  
"Thank you," he said.  
  
"You're welcome," Linette said with a smile. She paused for a moment. "How'd you get that bloody nose, anyway?" she asked.  
  
John looked at his shoes. "A boy punched me," he answered.  
  
"He punched you?" she said. "Why did he do that?"  
  
"Because I jumped on him," he said.  
  
"That wasn't a very nice thing to do," Linette said.  
  
"I know," John said.  
  
"Then why'd you do it?" she asked.  
  
John swallowed. "He made fun of my brother. He has cancer, and the medicine makes his hair fall out. He said my brother was a bald freak, and that I was a crybaby," he said, his eyes starting to tear up.  
  
Linette's brow furrowed in sympathy. Obviously this child needed to talk to someone about his brother, before he ended up causing more physical or emotional damage to himself or anyone else. She felt sorry for him. "Have you talked to your parents about people making fun of your brother?" Linette asked.  
  
John shook his head. "My dad has been in London talking to special doctors. I haven't seen him in a while. And my mom's too busy taking care of my brother," he said.  
  
"Who takes care of you, then?" she asked.  
  
"Elliot, our butler. And my sister- she's 14. And Gamma comes over some. And there are doctors there who take care of Bobby who sometimes bring me lunch," John said.  
  
Linette didn't know what to say. She understood that John's brother needed a lot of attention, but it seemed like he was being neglected. She just sat there for a minute. John pulled the Kleenex away from his nose, and discovered that it had stopped bleeding. "Well, it looks like your nose stopped bleeding," she said. "But you'll want to keep that icepac on your face for a while."  
  
John looked up at her with sad, puppy dog eyes. "Do I have to go talk to the principal now?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah," Linette said slowly. "I'm sorry, but anyone who gets in a fight has to go to the office." John's chin dropped to his neck and he looked and the floor, slowly nodding. "Tell you what," Linette said. "How about I walk you down there?"  
  
John looked up at her. She was nice, and he was really afraid of going to see the principle. Especially alone. He nodded. "Okay," he said.  
  
Linette smiled. "Okay," she said. She stood up, and offered her hand to him. She helped him off the couch. They walked down the hall in silence. She felt very sorry for John Carter. He seemed like a good kid. She couldn't just let him go up to the office alone. Besides, someone needed to talk to the principal and the councilor about what was going on at the Carter home.  
  
  
  
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John spent the next hour in the office. He told his side of the story, then Linette went in to talk to the principle. John wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but Linette yelled so loudly that he heard her say, "His parents haven't even tried to help him! That's the reason he got in that fight!"  
  
The principal's stern voice replied, "We are talking about the Carter family, here! You expect me to tell our number one benefactor that they don't know how to raise their son?"  
  
When Linette came out, she looked mad. John looked up at her. "Are you mad at me?" he asked.  
  
"No, I'm not mad at you," she said. She sighed. How was she supposed to explain to John that, because his parents were wealthy contributors to the school, it wasn't her 'place' to tell them John needed more attention?  
  
John asked, "Is he going to call my mom?"  
  
"I'm afraid so. You're going to have to go home, but you can come back tomorrow," Linette said.  
  
The secretary gave Linette an odd look. "Is there a reason you're not in the healthroom?" she asked snobbishly.  
  
"I brought this boy down here, and I wanted to speak to the principal," Linette defended.  
  
The secretary raised her eyebrows, "Well, it looks like he's through speaking with you."  
  
Linette was fuming inside, but she contained herself. She smiled down at John. "Good-bye, John," she said. She turned and reluctantly walked off down the hallway, all the time thinking to herself how beaurocratic this school could be.  
  
  
  
It was another half an hour before anyone came to pick up John. A black jaguar pulled into the school's drive, and John immediately recognized it as his own. He got in, and was met with Elliot's stare in the rearview mirror. Elliot didn't say anything, but his eyes displayed sympathy.  
  
When they arrived at the Carter Mansion, John sulked up the steps and reluctantly opened the door. He half expected his mother to be there, yelling at him, but the front hall was empty. He made his way quietly up the stairs. As he passed Bobby's room, he could hear sobbing coming from inside. He stopped at the door, and stood silently, looking in through the slight opening. Bobby was lying in his bed asleep, where he had been mostly confined for the past months. Eleanor Carter was sitting by his bed, with tears streaming down her face. The doctor standing beside her spoke in a calm, soft tone.  
  
"I'm very sorry Mrs. Carter, there's just nothing left to do," the doctor whispered.  
  
Eleanor looked up at the physician and with her face reddening from tears and anger, she said, "I will not give up! Bobby is only 12 years old! He has a whole life due to him, a family business to inherit, a name to uphold!" Eleanor was shouting by now, not caring who heard her.  
  
The doctor tried to reason with her, "Mrs. Carter, if there were anything I could do-"  
  
"No! No excuses! I will not hear another word from you. You are fired, Dr. Smithson. I am not going to pay someone who will not afford my son the best care possible. He will get better," Eleanor yelled.  
  
Dr. Smithson said nothing, seeing there was no reasoning with the woman. He quietly gathered up his things, and headed toward the door. He paused, and turned toward Eleanor. "I honestly hope you are right," he said quietly, then opened the door and walked out. He practically ran over John who was still standing outside the doorway. "Oh, I'm sorry," he said. The boy just nodded, but his eyes remained fixed on his brother's bed and his mother sitting beside it. Dr. Smithson gave John an analytical glance. He saw so much passion and caring in the child. He only hoped that spirit wouldn't dwindle. Especially considering the loss Dr. Smithson feared the family would soon be feeling. "Take care of yourself," he said, and with that he walked off down the stairs and out the door, and out of the Carter family like so many others who failed to stand up to its outrageous demands and strict codes.  
  
  
  
Bobby had been awakened by his mother's shouting, and she was now stroking his head with her hand. "Shhhh," she whispered softly, not allowing him to speak. "It's all right Bobby. It's going to be all right. We'll find someone to make you better. I promise," she kissed him on the forehead, then stood and walked out of the room. John managed to sneak off back to his room before she entered the hallway. He was dreading having to confront her. In his room, he noticed through the window that a car was approaching. He squinted, trying to make out the distant vehicle. A sudden sharp pain in his right shoulder blade interrupted him. He turned around to see Bobby, who proceeded to take another swing at his younger brother. John had grown accustom to such impromptu fits, and skillfully ducked out of the way.  
  
Bobby's face was contorted with anger. "I'm not a baby!" he yelled, slumping to the floor in a sobbing heap. "I can... take...care..of ...my..self!" he was now hyperventilating.  
  
John was concerned for his brother. "I'll go get mom," he said, turning.  
  
"No!" Bobby shouted. He took a few deep breaths and said, "I'm fine. I don't need her to help me." Bobby wiped his tears with the back of one pale hand.  
  
John offered Bobby a hand to help him up. "Here," he said.  
  
"I said I don't need any help!" Bobby shouted out, enraged. He tried to defiantly stand up on his own. But the chemotherapy had made him simply too weak to carry out the task. He collapsed to the floor, and this time John did go for help.  
  
He bolted down the steps, and stopped short when he saw his father and sister in the doorway. Jack Carter gave his son a disapproving look that showed he had found out about John's fight. Why did he have to get home today? Nell looked at her brother in sympathy, but wisely, decided not to say anything and quickly slipped away.  
  
John quickly said, "Bobby needs help!" Jack's anger momentarily subsided, and he ran up the stairs to John's room, where Bobby was lying on the floor. Ignoring Bobby's weak protests, Jack scooped his son up and set him down on John's bed.  
  
"John, go tell your mother to call 911," Jack said curtly, and John rushed out of the room without a word.  
  
  
  
The ambulance was there in 10 minutes, and loaded Bobby up. Elenore was a nervous wreck as she climbed into it with her son. There was no room for John or Nell, so Jack had called Gamma to come over and get them. The ambulance sped away, sirens blaring, leaving the two remaining Carter children on the front steps.  
  
John looked up at his sister, who was staring at the ambulance as it disappeared down the road. "Nell," he said in a soft voice, "what's going to happen to Bobby?"  
  
Nell looked at her youngest brother in distress. She couldn't tell him that Bobby would be all right anymore, he had figured out that it was not so. She just shook her head. "I don't know Scrub," she said. After a moment's pause she added, "Let's go inside and have something to eat while we wait for Gamma." John agreed and the two went in to attempt at passing the seemingly infinite time.  
  
It was not long before Gamma arrived. "I called the hospital before I left," she said. "They said that Bobby is fine right now, he's just going to have to stay there for a little while until he's better."  
  
"When will mom and dad be home?" Nell asked.  
  
"Your mother is staying at the hospital, but your father should be home any time now," she said.  
  
As if on cue, the front door opened, and Jack Carter walked in. He looked exhausted. He cleared his throat, then said, "Bobby's going to be in the hospital for a little while longer. You can go visit him tomorrow after school." He walked into the room and took a seat on the couch across from Gamma and the kids.  
  
"Is it all right if I stay here tonight, Jack?" Gamma asked her son.  
  
"Yes, yes of course," Jack said.  
  
"All right then. I'm going to call your father. He's in Paris on business and, well you know how those things are," Gamma said. "I think he should be able to get home in a day or two."  
  
Jack forced a smile. "Yes, that would be nice," he said. Gamma nodded, and headed off toward the kitchen where the nearest phone was.  
  
Nel noted the stare her father was giving her brother. "Um, I have some homework to go do," she said softly. She stood up and walked out of the room, leaving Jack Carter with his youngest son.  
  
There was a long silence. Jack finally said, "I'm ashamed of you, John. I never thought you would resort to fighting."  
  
"I'm sorry, sir," John replied, all the while looking at the floor.  
  
"It doesn't matter what the reason is, there is no good reason to fight. Do you understand me?" Jack said sternly.  
  
"Yessir," John said quietly. He was expecting to get belted next, and he gulped.  
  
But Jack Carter was too exhausted, mentally and physically, right now to follow the normal strict punishment. "I want you to go to your room right now, with no dinner, and not to come out until you go to school tomorrow. Is that clear?"  
  
John looked up, and tried to contain his relief. "Yessir," he said. Without another word, he headed for his room, his pace slightly quicken, so as not to give his father any time to change his mind. He didn't see, however, Jack slumping into a chair and resting his elbow on his knee, covering his face with his hand, trying to keep himself from crying.  
  
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	3. Chapter 3

The noise of the lunchroom was deafening. The kids had to yell at their friends just across the table, and this caused more noise, which only added to the din. The kids in Mrs. Wickley's class were all talking and laughing while they ate, as any normal fourth grader would do. At the end of the table, in a world of his own, John Carter sat with his head leaned on a fist. He absentmindedly poked a fork in his half-eaten meatloaf. He hadn't said a word all day, and no one really noticed him. Except Caleb, who kept shooting him venomous glances. But John was not concerned with aggravated classmates. He was in a world of his own, thinking about Bobby, about his parents, his sister, his grandparents......  
  
Linette was on her lunch break and she noticed John sitting at his table. She decided to go talk to him. She slid into the empty seat across from him. "Hi John!" She said. He didn't seem to notice her. She frowned. "What's the matter?" she asked the boy.  
  
"Nothing," John grumbled.  
  
"Nothing? Are you feeling sick? You haven't eaten much." she asked, surveying his plate.  
  
"No," he said shortly.  
  
"Well what is it?" she questioned.  
  
Without taking his eyes off of his meatloaf, he replied, "Bobby got really sick and an ambulance had to take him to the hospital. I'm going to see him today."  
  
Linette was truly sorry for this development. She knew Bobby must not have very long left. She tried for a subject she knew something about. "I'm sure the doctors and nurses are going to take very good care of him. I'm going to be a nurse. Did you know that? I'm starting nursing school next fall," she said.  
  
He looked up for the first time, interested. "Really?"  
  
"Yep," she said. "I've always wanted to be a nurse in pediatrics. That's where kids go when they get sick or hurt." She paused. "What do you want to be?" She was trying to make small talk and hopefully get John to open up eventually. John shrugged. "Well what do you like to do? What are you good at?"  
  
"I like to read," John said. "I'm good at almost every subject. I think I maybe want to be a writer, and a teacher, and a scientist...."  
  
Linette smiled. "I'm sure you'll be them all," she said. She glanced at the clock on the wall. It was almost time for her to get back to the healthroom. She hadn't really eaten anything, but she didn't care. "I've got to get back to work, and you've got to get back to class," she said, standing up. "I'll see you tomorrow, John." She waved as she walked off, and John felt a little bit better than he had ten minutes before.  
  
  
  
By the time school ended, John was anxious to go see his brother. He had finished his portrait of Bobby that afternoon in art class, this time uninterrupted. He had drawn him with a smile on his face and hair on his head, the way he would always picture Bobby. He peddled his bike quickly down the sidewalk. He was smiling, and enjoying the feel of the wind in his face. Suddenly, it was as if a weight were dropped down on him. An ominous black feeling filled his heart. Something was wrong. He knew it must be Bobby. His bike coasted to a stop, and he stood there, as his eyes lowered to the sidewalk. He closed them for a moment, and it was as if he could hear his brother's voice laughing again, and feel Bobby's hands messing up his hair. When he opened them, he knew. Bobby was dead. Despite all the reassurances from his family and friends, John knew that his brother had died. It was as if someone had torn his heart in two.  
  
He gathered enough strength to peddle his bike home. He didn't bother to put it up, though. He left it on the front porch and ran inside. He found Gamma and Nell sitting on the couch next to each other, both of them in tears.  
  
Nell saw her brother enter, and felt a pang in her heart. She would never again see her other brother arrive home from school. She would never hear his laughter, or his tears. She would never be able to pick on him. She would never be able to see him grow up, to graduate, to get married, or to have a family. Bobby Carter would never have any of those things. They had been taken from him. Nell realized then how much John meant to her. She gave him a hug as he approached her. "Hey Scrub," she said, through her tears.  
  
"Nell..." John began. He didn't have to ask what was the matter. He had already felt it, and he saw the sorrow in Nell and Gamma's faces. "Bobby's dead isn't he?" he asked quietly.  
  
Gamma let out a sob, and pulled her grandson into a hug. Nell joined, and soon they were all sitting on the couch, crying and holding onto each other like they would never let go.  
  
**************************************************************************** *********  
  
Bobby Carter died in his hospital bed in Chicago that spring day in 1979 , at the age of 12 years old. There was no amount of medicine or surgery that could have saved him. The leukemia had made him too weak to carry on. Jack and Eleanor Carter were both there. Jack had cried quietly, but managed to contain himself to a degree. He had known this day would come for some time now, and he had already done most of his crying. Eleanor, on the other hand, had refused to believe that the cancer would kill Bobby. She had denied it to everyone, and more importantly, to herself. When Bobby did pass away, her reaction was quite odd. At first she refused to believe it, saying that there must be something more the doctors could do to save him. Finally, she just turned and walked out of the hospital silently.  
  
It was two days later, the day of Bobby's funeral. The entire Carter family was there- aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws. They were all there, and most of them barely knew Bobby. There were also various business acquaintances of Jack and John Carter, Sr. Gamma stayed with her husband, who had gotten in from Paris the day before. They accepted condolences from friends and family alike. Everyone was talking about what a tragedy it was, how Bobby was so young and had so much potential. A few of Nell's friends from school, including her new boyfriend Brett, were there to comfort her.  
  
John had not invited any of his friends. It was partly due to the fact that he didn't really have any close friends, and partly because he didn't want anyone else to have to share in such an experience. After the service, several people placed flowers on Bobby's grave. Then they began to get in their expensive cars and head back to the reception at the Carter Mansion.  
  
John walked over to Bobby's grave, and pulled a folded piece of paper out of his pocket. He unfolded it, and stared at the image. It was the picture he had drawn of Bobby. "I brought you this, Bobby, " he began. "It's a drawing I made of you. It's how I want to remember you." He looked at the cold gray tombstone that now represented what his brother was- gone. "Not like you are now," his last words were choked by a sob. He wiped the tears from his face, and leaned over, placing the drawing by the grave. "I know you used to pick on me, and I'm sorry if I ever got mad at you for it. I wouldn't have if I had known..." he started to cry again. "I'll miss you Bobby. And I'll never forget you," he finished. John stood staring at the tombstone and the picture beside it.  
  
  
  
A shadow appeared, and John turned around to see Linette standing there. It was evident that she had been crying, too. She didn't say anything, didn't offer any reassurances or false hopes. She simply enveloped the boy in a hug, and gave him the one thing that he needed- a shoulder to cry on. And more than that, someone to cry with.  
  
**************************************************************************** ******************  
  
By the time everyone got to the reception, it had turned from an event of mourning to a social event. This was greatly due to Eleanor Carter. She was acting as if nothing had happened at all. Not as if Bobby had never died, but as if he had never lived. Whenever anyone brought up the one subject which should have been foremost at everyone's minds, she quickly changed the subject. She even snuffed those who wanted to share some happy memory of Bobby's short life.  
  
Jack Carter was worried about his wife. He was standing and talking to his parents, and all the while watching Eleanor laughing with some guests out of the corner of his eye.  
  
"I wish I could have gotten here sooner, son," John Sr. said. "I just never imagined..."  
  
"None of us did, John," Gamma said, clasping her husband's arm. He took her hand in his own.  
  
"Excuse me for a moment," Jack said, heading in his wife's direction. He tapped her on the shoulder, and got her attention. "Can I talk to you, Eleanor?" he asked.  
  
Eleanor smiled at him. "Of course. Excuse me," she said to her guests.  
  
Jack lead Eleanor away from the crowd, down the lawn to the shade of a large oak tree. "Eleanor.... how are you doing?" he asked his wife hesitantly.  
  
She looked puzzled. "What do you mean? I'm fine," she answered.  
  
Jack took a deep breath and let it out. "Eleanor, it's ok to be sad. We all are. We all have to accept that Bobby died..."  
  
Eleanor tried to push her way past Jack. "I don't want to talk about it, Jack," she said, passing him and heading toward the house."  
  
"Ignoring the pain won't make it go away!" Jack called after her. But she didn't even bother to turn around.  
  
  
  
Nell's friends had all gone home after the service. She didn't blame them. Who wanted to stick around and listen to a bunch of arrogant businessmen talk about money, anyway? The only good part about the reception was the food. She had managed to grab some and head inside to the secluded music room. She was sitting on the piano bench eating it when John and a woman whom she recognized but could not name walked in.  
  
"Hi Nell," John said.  
  
"Hi John. Are you hungry? Here, have some caviar," she offered her plate to him.  
  
He attempted a smile. "Ewww. That stuff is gross. No thanks. Nell, this is Linette. She is the nurse at my school, and she's going to be a real live nurse someday," he said.  
  
Linette shook hands with the high school student. "Pleased to meet you, Nell," she said. Nell nodded. There was a brief silence. "This is a nice house you have," she finally commented. Which was a vast understatement. It was an amazing house. She could not even begin to fathom how much it was worth.  
  
"I guess," Nell said softly.  
  
Linette did not want to get on the subject of Bobby again, and cause John or his sister any more distress than they were obviously already feeling. "So, do either of you play any of these instruments?"  
  
John shook his head. But Nell answered, "Yeah, I play the harp. Want me to play something?" Linette nodded. She had honestly never seen anyone play the harp before, but she had heard recordings of them, and they were beautiful instruments. Nell sat down, and positioned her fingers. Then she began to pluck and stroke the golden instrument. The chiming music was mellow, but not entirely sad. It conveyed a feeling of sorrow but acceptance. Nell was playing from the heart.  
  
When Nell finished, John and Linette were both staring at the harp with contemplating looks on their faces. "That was lovely, Nell," Linette whispered.  
  
  
  
Jack had been wandering the halls of the mansion, and the grounds, looking for his wife. He had just about given up the search, when he saw her. She was standing in one of the halls, staring at a picture on the wall. Jack slowly approached, and soon noticed that she was looking at a painting of Bobby and John that had been done only six months before. It conveyed perfectly John's ever-inquisitiveness, and Bobby's cheery smile. Jack didn't say anything, he just stood.  
  
After a long silence, Eleanor spoke. "He was always so happy before," she said quietly. "He always liked to tell jokes. And then there came the cancer, and all of the doctors, and all of the tests and treatments. They made him so weak and grumpy." She shook her head. "We never should have let them do all those things to him. We should have just let him go peacefully."  
  
"Eleanor," Jack said. "Those treatments gave him at least a year of extra time. We couldn't have hoped for better than that. It was just his time."  
  
"But it wasn't his time!" Eleanor shouted, turning to face her husband. "It wasn't his time! He was only a boy! He had a future. Who is going to take over the business someday when you have to retire?"  
  
"Eleanor, my father hasn't even retired yet," Jack said.  
  
"Someday he will, and then you will, and who is going to keep it going?" she demanded.  
  
"John can do that," Jack said. "I'm sure he'd be very good at it."  
  
Eleanor shook her head. "No, it won't be the same. Nothing will ever be the same again." And with that, she walked off down the hallway, once again oblivious to the sorrow around her.  
  
**************************************************************************** ****************** 


	4. Chapter 4

Two weeks had passed since Bobby died. When John had returned to school, the kids were suddenly more sensitive towards him. They dared not make fun of him, and they always smiled at him. The teacher would often offer him words of encouragement. The false pretense they were all putting up was so painfully obvious, even the 9-year-old had figured it out. They didn't like him because of who he was, they were only being kind to him because of his situation. The only person who really knew John and to whom he felt he could talk to at school was Linette. He would often feign sickness just so he could go to the nurse's office and see her. The teacher probably knew he was lying, but she wouldn't dare do anything that might upset what she viewed as a fragile little soul. The truth was that John missed his brother, but that was overshadowed by something more severe.  
  
Eleanor Carter had been living in a surreal world ever since Bobby died. She would often be found just staring at the wall, silent and pensive. No one asked what she was thinking about, because they all knew. And they all knew that she refused to talk about it. This was having a negative effect on her children, who needed her comfort especially in this dark time, yet the comfort was no where to be found. Millicient Carter had grown worried about her grandchildren and their mother. Despite Jack's pleading for her to leave it alone, she decided that something must be done.  
  
One afternoon, Gamma found her daughter-in-law sitting on a chair on the back lawn, staring out across the grass. "Eleanor," she said. There was no response from the cold figure. "Eleanor," she said, this time more persistently.  
  
Eleanor turned her head. Her face was completely void of any emotion. "What is it that you want, Millicent?" she asked.  
  
Gamma took a seat next to Eleanor, and gazed into her eyes. They were so tired looking. True, there had never been a time which Gamma could remember, when Eleanor had been a bright and happy soul. She had always been a typical aloof, rich woman. But now her eyes also had the quality of someone who has given up. "Eleanor, I know that you are crushed," Gamma began.  
  
Eleanor turned her gaze back to the lawn. "I would rather not talk about it now," she said icily.  
  
"You're going to have to talk about it sometime," Gamma said, more persistently.  
  
"Why?" Eleanor said, turning her gaze back toward her mother-in-law.  
  
"If you don't care about yourself, at least find it in your heart to care about your children!" Gamma pleaded.  
  
Eleanor nodded slowly. She quietly answered, "I have. And I have failed."  
  
"What about John and Nell? Eleanor, they've both got bright futures ahead of them," Gamma said with earnest, "Don't damage their potential by denying them their mother. They've already lost their brother. Isn't that enough?"  
  
Eleanor gave her a cold stare. Without a word, she stood and walked back inside.  
  
  
  
Later that evening, the family was all eating dinner together. John Sr., Millicient, Jack, Eleanor, John, and Nell all sat around the elegant table in the east dining hall. John Sr. and Jack talked about business most of the time. Gamma threw in a comment or two, but stayed mostly quiet for lack of anything prudent to say. Eleanor kept shooting Gamma cold glares, which the wizened old woman had the presence of mind not to take heart to. Nell was distant and withdrawn. She had been spending more and more time with her friends lately. She was starting to become very adverse to her imperious family. She had always hated the way they dealt with stress, and this was a perfect testimony to it. John did not fully understand the priorities of his family, but he saw no other path than to submit to them.  
  
After dinner was over, Jack and Eleanor exchanged apprehensive glances. Jack then cleared his throat and said, "Eleanor and I have made a decision." The rest of the family sat attentively. "Well we've decided that it would be most beneficial to the business if we were able to expand. Not just to all of the nation, but to different areas of the world. After all, what goes on in the rest of the world certainly effects what goes on here." Everyone could tell that Jack was stalling an important point.  
  
"That's a wonderful though, Jack," John Sr. said. "But what's the point?"  
  
Jack bit his lower lip. "Eleanor and I have decided to travel to Europe and see about setting up subsidiary companies there," he said.  
  
Nell was internally fuming. Just when she had begun to really make some friends, she was going to have to move to Europe. "Well it may be fine for the business, but I don't want to move!" she said.  
  
"You won't be," Eleanor said. "You and John will be staying here. With your grandparents, if that's all right with them. That's what we were planning to find out."  
  
John Sr. shrugged. "I don't see a problem with it. We can move into the house, and while I'm afraid I won't be around much during the day, I'm sure Millicient would love to watch over the children."  
  
Gamma nodded. "Yes, it's no trouble," she said hesitantly. "But how long are you planning on staying in Europe?"  
  
"Six months," Jack answered.  
  
This news shocked Gamma. "Six months?" she exclaimed. "Don't you think your children should have their parents around?" she shot Eleanor an accusatory look, to which she simply responded by looking away.  
  
"We'll call them all the time," Jack insisted.  
  
"It's not the same as being there," Gamma said plainly.  
  
Jack was about to object, when his father interrupted. "Dear, I'm sure that everything will be just fine! The kids will be in school and soon it will be summer. They'll probably be too occupied with all that free time to notice anyway. Let them raise their children."  
  
Gamma looked Eleanor straight in the eyes as she said, "That's what I'm trying to have them do. I don't think they can raise them effectively from 4,000 miles away."  
  
"Mother," Jack said. "Please, just give it a chance. If it doesn't work out, then we'll come back. All right?"  
  
Gamma hesitated. She didn't want to agree to such a thing, but there seemed to be no one else on her side at the time. "All right," she said. She stood up and said, "John I think we should be going. We'll need to start arranging to have our things moved from our winter home to hear." Her husband followed in agreement. She stopped. "How long until you'll be leaving?" she asked.  
  
"Two weeks," Eleanor said.  
  
Gamma nodded. "Two weeks," she said coolly. With that, she left the room with a wake of icy tension between her and Eleanor Carter left unsettled.  
  
  
  
The two weeks came and went in a flash. Before he knew it, John's parents were in Europe. They called every day the first week they were gone. Then the calls began to become less and less frequent. By the second month, they were no longer calling at all. John liked having Gamma around all the time. He didn't feel so obligated to act perfectly around her. She was willing and able to take a joke now and then. Like whenever he would take her hand-crafted Faberge eggs and put them with his collection of 'weebles.' Whenever she lost them, she was practically beside herself with worry. John would always give them back to her, saying that they were simply playing the 'pets' to his weeble family. Despite herself, Gamma would always laugh. She loved being with her granddaughter and her grandson. But she was furious with Eleanor and Jack for leaving them, especially at such a critical age. They were sending a loud and clear signal that money was more important to them than their children. And the sad thing was, it just might be true. They used to care about their children getting a good education, never getting in trouble. But now it was as if, since they felt they had already failed with Bobby, even trying to raise Nell and John was futile.  
  
Gamma had only heard from Jack and Eleanor three times the whole summer. Each time, John was eager to talk to his parents. But Nell eventually began refusing to talk to them at all. Gamma could not say that she blamed her. Finally, the end of the planned six month sojourn in Europe came just as the new school year was about to start. It was only a week until the planned return when Gamma got a call.  
  
Elliot had informed her that Jack was on the phone, so she took the phone in the kitchen, where John and Nell were hanging around. "Hello Jack. It's wonderful to talk to you again," she said into the phone. To Nell and John she said, "It's your father." John immediately smiled, but his sister looked away.  
  
"So, are you two going to be able to tear yourselves away from Rome?" Gamma asked with a hint of laughter in her voice. There was a moments pause, and her face fell. Her expression became stolid. "Jack, you can't do that........ because, you've got a responsibility to-.......... let me talk to Eleanor!.... No, let me talk to her now!....... Jack, you can't let her decide for you.......... Please Jack, reconsider...... But- fine, good- bye." She set the phone down on the hook and looked up at her grandchildren.  
  
"So when are they going to be home, Gamma?" John asked eagerly.  
  
Gamma shook her head. "They're not coming home right now, Johnny," she said. "They're going to be going to Japan to do some more expanding for the business." Nell looked off out the window, and shook her head, trying to contain her fury. "They will be coming home in two months," Gamma added, trying to sound optimistic.  
  
"Yeah, sure," Nell said, then stormed out of the room.  
  
John was puzzled at Nell's behavior. He was sad that his parents wouldn't be home for another two months after being gone for such a long time, too. "Gamma, why is she so mad? Mom and Dad are going to be back soon, and then they'll be staying, right?" he asked.  
  
Gamma attempted a smile. "Of course, Johnny," she said. But in her heart a deep anger burned toward Eleanor Carter. Because she knew that Eleanor and Jack would not be returning in two months. They might never return. Eleanor had decided to live as if she had no responsibilities in the world, as if she had no more children to raise. And Gamma knew that wasn't going to change.  
  
**************************************************************************** ********* 


End file.
